The bottom line

Hi everyone, I am wondering what each of you feels is the most important service you need in order to be more independent.

Resolutions

I have decided to learn more about rhetoric and to write a piece about society, which will hopefully have at least a moderate impact.

Share?

Does anyone have thoughts or questions about living independently. Please, email them to me at athenasav@aol.com so can post them here on Life's muse.

Potential (sonnet)

                                                                                Build, wait.  You know you have it hiding here. 

                                                                                 It crouches inside of you, now let it

                                                                                 spring like a prowling tiger, "all is clear!"

                                                                                 Deepen your thought and utilize your wit.  

                                                                                 These thoughts linger, confused within my mind. 

                                                                                 The guide to decision can find no track.

                                                                                 This world is but vacillatingly kind,

                                                                                 and certainty of self and life I lack.

.                                                                              

                                                                                Where will my path be found?  What spark, which clue

                                                                                will lead me toward my destined calling?

                                                                                 If I could compile all things that I knew,

                                                                                 the seed of my life would be flourishing. 

                                                                               

                                                                                 I play, hoping my peg will fit into

                                                                                 the hole.  If it's too big, I'll pay my due. 

                                                                               

SSI disincentives to marry

Hi everyone. As I state in my narrative essay called Wave, which I posted here on Life's muse two days ago, I would like to start a petition to remove SSI disincentives to marry.  I have some great news to report on that front.  Today, I called Brooklyn Center for the Independence of the Disabled (BCID) and I learned that the disincentive to marry are already part of social security law, and I would be petitioning for legislation to get them removed.  I was advised to call my congress person, who is Congresswoman Velazquez. I called, and after being transfered to the Washington DC number, I was told that she is not available.  I left a message stating what I had called about. I was advised by one of the workers at BCID that if either no one calls me back or I am told that there is not any legislation in place yet, I should call back BCID, and someone there will be able to help me draft legislation against the SSI disincentives to marry, which I can send to congress. I am so excited for that prospect. I was also told that anyone may draft legislation, so if you have any issues that are important to you, you shouldn't hesitate to call your congress person.  He or she could really benefit from hearing your ideas. Also, as I learned today, the Centers for the Independence of the Disabled are a great resource, so you should reach out to them, if you need assistance.  For instance, there is one in every borough of New York City where I live.

Power

          Power is grand

                                                          and everything

                                                          many people

                                                          ever want

                                                          however…

                                                          when power

                                                          is misused- -

                                                          everything

                                                          will begin

                                                          to go wrong

                                                          the dove

                                                          will fly away

                                                          from the place                

                                                          where it once lived

                                                          forever

                                                          the Devil

                                                          will make

                                                          a new home

                                                          and terror

                                                          will ensue

                                                          when power

                                                          is misused

                                                          everything

                                                          will be

                                                          wrong

Wave

            I remember being ten years old and beginning to ask my mother about babies. She told me everything she could. She had grown up with a mother with whom she could barely talk, and she was not about to hide anything from me. In terms appropriate for a ten year old, she described the process of intercourse and the emotions related to having a child. That’s where it started. I became a self proclaimed biology geek, and was somewhat obsessed with having a daughter. I have never wanted a son because I feel like I can’t understand boys; I have a special connection with girls because neither my mother nor I have any siblings. From that time on, I began coming up with girls’ names. Sarah, Martha, and Juliana were always my favorites. The name Sarah has stuck. I have decided that will be my daughter’s middle name. I chose to keep Sarah because it is the English equivalent of the Hebrew name of one of my aunts.  Sadly, I never met her because she died before I was born. On a day several years ago, the details of which I have since forgotten, I was sitting on a beach with my father, looking out at the ocean, and the perfect first name suddenly hit me – Wave.

I realized that I wanted to be a mother long before that day on the beach, sometime during the year I turned ten. I was fairly sure that I would be good at it, but it was what most people would consider a fantasy. I did not fully understand the implications of what it would mean in my case.  My mother, who has never been an optimistic person, has said to me on more than one occasion, “People who don’t have children don’t understand that once you have children, your life is over.” This statement may sound negative, but all she means is that once a person has a child, his or her life is never the same again. I agree, but I am more than willing to take that risk. My desire to have a child in the future is so strong that I know it will be worth the wait, and any other obstacles or difficulties will be surmountable. Now, at twenty-one years old, when I think of myself as a mother, I know that I will be quite good at it. I expect to make mistakes because I am not good at planning ahead. Apart from that, I feel that I possess the necessary qualities. First of all, I love children; their inner and outer beauty, as well as their intelligence make me light up inside. Second, I always care for people, especially children, and do my best to help anyone. Unless I’m having a bad day, I’m always good for lightening the mood or giving advice.

As was proven to me by crunching the numbers in my high school Human Sexuality class, having a child is going to be a huge and awesome challenge. I remember being astounded by the average expense of child care. I know that once I have a child, I will need to make many sacrifices and budget carefully, reorganizing my schedule to fit her needs. In my opinion, having a child is like giving up a little of what one has so that the next generation can be improved. No one is ever prepared for these challenges. I know each day will be a learning experience. People might say this is especially true for me because I have a physical disability called Cerebral Palsy. My disability affects every aspect of my life now, and I know that it will be the same once I have a child. I am excited for those challenges because I will be proving to everyone, especially my family, that I can handle them. I expect that the most important and perhaps the most daunting step will be carrying my child safely.  Although I am not yet well versed in the specific details, I am sure that my disability increases the risks during pregnancy, not because of heredity, but because of the overall difference in my muscle condition from that of someone who doesn’t have Cerebral Palsy. In order to decrease the likelihood of any difficulties, I am eager to talk to a physician about the details, so that I will be able to make my pregnancy as safe as possible. For example, I have decided that it probably will not be advisable for me to wait until I am middle aged to have a child because the complications of any pregnancy, especially a “high risk” one, increase with age.

I imagine that the second issue is going to be providing child care. The long term health care system is currently undergoing significant changes.  I am often reminded by my friends and family that it is going to be a challenge for me to find appropriate care for myself, and especially for my child. I try not to think of child care as a worry, though, because I know that I would spare any expense to attain it. The wellness of my child will surely mean everything to me and my future husband, so having to make sacrifices to this end will not feel like a hardship.

These physical and financial obstacles are easily overcome with a positive attitude. My resolve tends to falter at times when I am under pressure, but I can always regain it by talking to my friends, family, and especially my boyfriend. Certain societal obstacles, however, may prove more difficult to overcome. The current example, which is most relevant to my situation, is the choice that the United States government has made to decrease benefits for those disabled people living as legally married couples. I find that this legislation is a huge blow to legal equality in marriage. People should not have to choose to stay unmarried because of the harsh reality of legislation imposed by the government based on the joint income of a couple. I have decided to oppose this inequality by organizing a group of friends and acquaintances to create a petition against this legislation. I understand legal marriage is not the defining factor in a relationship. I would, however, go to great lengths to advocate for myself and others ahead of me. My parents are divorced, and judging from my own experience, legal marriage creates a solid foundation of the relationship between parents in the mind of a child.

Having and raising a child is sure to be difficult for me, but instead of thinking of obstacles, which may prove impossible to overcome, I focus on my desires and my beliefs about raising a family. For me, having Wave is much more than a goal; I consider it a destiny. I would say that that moment during my childhood when I was sitting on the beach with my father was a kind of epiphany which I respect deeply. Her name came to me suddenly. I never forgot it or thought of changing it. These powerful moments in life, which lead to plans for the future, are of greater importance than setbacks such us unfair legislation, which can be overcome with proper planning and presence of mind. I try not to let the occasional skeptical comments from my friends and family deter me from aspiring to be Wave’s mother. It is clear that I have their support, when I consider that from the age of ten, my mother was always honest with me about the realities of having a family. I will not focus on overcoming my disability in order to have a family. My disability is part of every day; it is just another layer of my life.  My potential setbacks are often thrown into sharp relief by society because of the standards people set for each other; if I refrain from holding standards for others, and for myself, while focusing on fulfilling my destiny, I will have the drive necessary to succeed.