Wave

            I remember being ten years old and beginning to ask my mother about babies. She told me everything she could. She had grown up with a mother with whom she could barely talk, and she was not about to hide anything from me. In terms appropriate for a ten year old, she described the process of intercourse and the emotions related to having a child. That’s where it started. I became a self proclaimed biology geek, and was somewhat obsessed with having a daughter. I have never wanted a son because I feel like I can’t understand boys; I have a special connection with girls because neither my mother nor I have any siblings. From that time on, I began coming up with girls’ names. Sarah, Martha, and Juliana were always my favorites. The name Sarah has stuck. I have decided that will be my daughter’s middle name. I chose to keep Sarah because it is the English equivalent of the Hebrew name of one of my aunts.  Sadly, I never met her because she died before I was born. On a day several years ago, the details of which I have since forgotten, I was sitting on a beach with my father, looking out at the ocean, and the perfect first name suddenly hit me – Wave.

I realized that I wanted to be a mother long before that day on the beach, sometime during the year I turned ten. I was fairly sure that I would be good at it, but it was what most people would consider a fantasy. I did not fully understand the implications of what it would mean in my case.  My mother, who has never been an optimistic person, has said to me on more than one occasion, “People who don’t have children don’t understand that once you have children, your life is over.” This statement may sound negative, but all she means is that once a person has a child, his or her life is never the same again. I agree, but I am more than willing to take that risk. My desire to have a child in the future is so strong that I know it will be worth the wait, and any other obstacles or difficulties will be surmountable. Now, at twenty-one years old, when I think of myself as a mother, I know that I will be quite good at it. I expect to make mistakes because I am not good at planning ahead. Apart from that, I feel that I possess the necessary qualities. First of all, I love children; their inner and outer beauty, as well as their intelligence make me light up inside. Second, I always care for people, especially children, and do my best to help anyone. Unless I’m having a bad day, I’m always good for lightening the mood or giving advice.

As was proven to me by crunching the numbers in my high school Human Sexuality class, having a child is going to be a huge and awesome challenge. I remember being astounded by the average expense of child care. I know that once I have a child, I will need to make many sacrifices and budget carefully, reorganizing my schedule to fit her needs. In my opinion, having a child is like giving up a little of what one has so that the next generation can be improved. No one is ever prepared for these challenges. I know each day will be a learning experience. People might say this is especially true for me because I have a physical disability called Cerebral Palsy. My disability affects every aspect of my life now, and I know that it will be the same once I have a child. I am excited for those challenges because I will be proving to everyone, especially my family, that I can handle them. I expect that the most important and perhaps the most daunting step will be carrying my child safely.  Although I am not yet well versed in the specific details, I am sure that my disability increases the risks during pregnancy, not because of heredity, but because of the overall difference in my muscle condition from that of someone who doesn’t have Cerebral Palsy. In order to decrease the likelihood of any difficulties, I am eager to talk to a physician about the details, so that I will be able to make my pregnancy as safe as possible. For example, I have decided that it probably will not be advisable for me to wait until I am middle aged to have a child because the complications of any pregnancy, especially a “high risk” one, increase with age.

I imagine that the second issue is going to be providing child care. The long term health care system is currently undergoing significant changes.  I am often reminded by my friends and family that it is going to be a challenge for me to find appropriate care for myself, and especially for my child. I try not to think of child care as a worry, though, because I know that I would spare any expense to attain it. The wellness of my child will surely mean everything to me and my future husband, so having to make sacrifices to this end will not feel like a hardship.

These physical and financial obstacles are easily overcome with a positive attitude. My resolve tends to falter at times when I am under pressure, but I can always regain it by talking to my friends, family, and especially my boyfriend. Certain societal obstacles, however, may prove more difficult to overcome. The current example, which is most relevant to my situation, is the choice that the United States government has made to decrease benefits for those disabled people living as legally married couples. I find that this legislation is a huge blow to legal equality in marriage. People should not have to choose to stay unmarried because of the harsh reality of legislation imposed by the government based on the joint income of a couple. I have decided to oppose this inequality by organizing a group of friends and acquaintances to create a petition against this legislation. I understand legal marriage is not the defining factor in a relationship. I would, however, go to great lengths to advocate for myself and others ahead of me. My parents are divorced, and judging from my own experience, legal marriage creates a solid foundation of the relationship between parents in the mind of a child.

Having and raising a child is sure to be difficult for me, but instead of thinking of obstacles, which may prove impossible to overcome, I focus on my desires and my beliefs about raising a family. For me, having Wave is much more than a goal; I consider it a destiny. I would say that that moment during my childhood when I was sitting on the beach with my father was a kind of epiphany which I respect deeply. Her name came to me suddenly. I never forgot it or thought of changing it. These powerful moments in life, which lead to plans for the future, are of greater importance than setbacks such us unfair legislation, which can be overcome with proper planning and presence of mind. I try not to let the occasional skeptical comments from my friends and family deter me from aspiring to be Wave’s mother. It is clear that I have their support, when I consider that from the age of ten, my mother was always honest with me about the realities of having a family. I will not focus on overcoming my disability in order to have a family. My disability is part of every day; it is just another layer of my life.  My potential setbacks are often thrown into sharp relief by society because of the standards people set for each other; if I refrain from holding standards for others, and for myself, while focusing on fulfilling my destiny, I will have the drive necessary to succeed.